First, here's an email that Andrew Sullivan got today:

My Beloved, Samantha, just asked me to update my Facebook page to confirm that I'm engaged to her. My mother just called for the third time this morning and choked out through her tears, "I promise this is the last time I'll call this morning, but I understand that the proper protocol is that the mother of the bride pays for the wedding." I've left a message for our minister to see if he is available in 30 days to officiate our wedding.
This marriage will allow us to be recognized within the state as we are recognized in our neighborhood, in our church, and with our friends: as a family with all the rights, protections, and responsibilities that come with that commitment. This marriage would allow us to expect acceptance rather than anticipate discrimination of our family. Marriage would protect our children. Marriage would attach recognition to what we know is true, that the love that brought us together as a couple and binds us a family matters just as all families matter. Families comprise neighborhoods, churches, friends, and the state. Families are why we have civil marriage in California and why our family deserves the same recognition.

I'm attaching a photo of our family. From left to right is Sophie (turned 8 last Friday), Samantha, Anneliese (4.5), and me. I figured since I've viewed your wedding photos, you should see a photo of my family. We are all looking forward to our marriage next month!

And here's how the Speaker of the United States House of Representatives responded to the ruling:

I welcome the California Supreme Court’s historic decision. I have long fought against discrimination and believe that the State Constitution provides for equal treatment for all of California’s citizens and families, which today’s decision recognizes.

I commend the plaintiffs from San Francisco for their courage and commitment. I encourage California citizens to respect the Court’s decision, and I continue to strongly oppose any ballot measure that would write discrimination into the State Constitution.

Today is a significant milestone for which all Californians can take pride.

The Speaker of the House. The Speaker of the House. God damn.

Tags: gender, politics

It took a little poking to confirm this, but California's court ruling affirming same-sex marriage goes into effect in thirty days. Even now, invitations to June weddings are on their way to the printers.

In 2000, when marriage rights first went on the ballot in California, had never been a legally recognized same-sex marriage in the state. In passing Proposition 22 the electorate simply affirmed the status quo. But on June 14 of this year, gay marriage will become a reality in California. The newspapers will be filled with photos of happy couples, and workplaces will be filled with honeymoon photos a week later.

If opponents of marriage equality succeed in getting a constitutional amendment on the ballot this fall, voters will have to answer a different question than the one they faced eight years ago. Then, a vote against gay marriage was simply a vote in favor of the status quo. This November, a vote against gay marriage will be, literally, a vote against marriage --- a vote to render real extant legal marriages null and void.

Eight years ago, Californians voted 61-39 against marriage equality. By last spring, a Field Poll found the margin of opposition had tightened to 51-43.

It's gonna be close, but I kind of like our chances.

Tags: family, gender, politics

Help me, Brooklyniteses!

So most of you have probably heard that Obama called a teevee reporter "sweetie" the other day, and she slammed him for it on the air.



When he called later to apologize, he said he was "duly chastened." Chastened or not, though, this is part of a pattern. He's done the sweetie thing before. He made a reference to Clinton's "claws" coming out a while back. And that business in one of the debates about how Clinton was "likeable enough" definitely rubbed me the wrong way.

So what do y'all think? How do you interpret his behavior, and what do you think it says about him as a person? Boorish? Smarmy? Smug? Unschooled? All of the above? Something else? And why does Clinton seem to bring out the worst in him?

I've got my own evolving take, but I'm not at all convinced I've got him nailed down. I'm guessing y'all have all sorts of interesting stuff to say on the topic.

Also: When he said that Clinton had the habit of attacking him "periodically, when she's feeling down," was it really a menstrual gibe? I can't quite make up my mind.

Tags: gender, obama

"He's kind of acting like Obama's brother, because he's kind of thinking what Obama thinks. So I'll vote for him too." --Casey watches the Edwards endorsement speech.

Tags: obama

I recently stumbled across a journal I kept during my second year of college at Binghamton, my first year on the student government.

In an entry that February I wrote that I had "a bit of a thing" for a fellow member of the SA budget committee. I found her "exciting and interesting and nice and beautiful," but I was flummoxed --- I had "no idea how to extend our relationship."

Apparently I came up with something.

Happy mother's day, C. From me and the kids.


Later: I know everyone's linking to it this year, but I just can't pass up a chance to intone the words "our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause." Here's Julia Ward Howe's 1870 Mother's Day Proclamation.

Tags: family

Casey's having a playdate with her friend T today. Last year, Case and her friend Ella were betrothed, this year she sometimes says that she'll marry Maggie, but mostly T. He's her first male intended.

Before T showed up this morning, C found some lip gloss and put it on. Then she found a crucifix necklace her grandmother gave her, and asked me to help her put that on. When I asked her about the necklace, she reminded me of her plans to marry T, and when I pressed her further, she said "pretty is a part of love."

When we were talking about her plans with T, she said that when they're on playdates he says he's going to marry her, but when they're with other kids, at school, he mostly says he's going to marry someone else. She's pretty sure they're going to get married, though.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'd heard that story before. She'll find out soon enough.

Tags: casey, gender

So today I was home with Elvis all day. Didn't get much done, didn't have much quality time with her. Vegged out more than I should have. It helps, these days, when I set up a to-do list in the morning, since when I'm watching her I don't tend to have the cognitive capacity to both get stuff done and figure out what needs doing.

Part of the problem is that I've got full days with her so rarely. Our sitter is here four days a week, and my folks offer to take her probably half of those fifth days, so I don't ever get into a rhythm with her. We get along fine, but she's not my sidekick like Casey used to be.

Casey and I were home together pretty much full-time her first year (after C1's maternity leave), and then several days a week for maybe another year after that. We got into a groove. Elvis and I have never had that groove. And a chunk of the time I spend with Elvis is spent with Casey too, so we don't wind up connecting as intensely as we would if it were just the two of us.

I'm not complaining, not really. The reason we've had so much childcare this last year is that I've been working, and I've been productive in that work. I've gotten a huge amount done. And a big chunk of the time that Elvis has been watched by the sitter has been time that I wasn't that enthused by when I was watching Casey --- it's only when they become toddlers that it really becomes fun for me.

But I do need to connect more with Elvis than I have. She's getting fun now, and she's becoming her own person. (The differences between her and Casey at her age are becoming more pronounced all the time.) So this is partly a reminder to me that I should make use of my time with her --- not try to use it for my own work, and not just watch the clock. Get out. Do stuff. Hang.

Here's one cool thing: This fall, our sitter is going to India for two months. In October and November I'll be a stay-at-home dad full time. Elvis will be almost two then, and almost-two is a really fun age. I'm looking forward to those two months, and I need to remember that I can snatch pieces of what's going to be fun about them right now.

Tags: elvis, parenting

Most of you have heard that Clinton made reference yesterday to an AP article that, in her words, "found how Sen. Obama's support among working, hard-working Americans, white Americans, is weakening again." Well, here's another in the same vein.

“I’m winning Catholic voters and Hispanic voters and blue-collar workers and seniors, the kind of people that Sen. McCain will be fighting for in the general election,” Clinton said to a West Virginia crowd today. "Now, some call you swing voters. I call you Americans."

It's bad enough when Republicans pull this crap. I don't need to hear it from a Democratic presidential candidate.

It's just not right.

Tags: class, politics, race

If anyone wants to be added to the opt-in friendslist I created for posting and discussing my half-formed musings on whiteness, just give a holler. I'm going to be posting more publicly soon, but in the meantime, there's a lot of good stuff going on in comments.

Once you're signed up, you can click the "drafts" tag in the right-hand sidebar to see all the posts in one place.

Update: I've added you, failstoexist, springheel_jack, and smashingstars.
Later Update: And you too, thetheriomorph, andamous, and warinner.

Tags: drafts, race